The ohsojoyous Adventures of Rukario and Shaymin
by Shadow R-B
Summary: First crackfic! What do you get when you get a mean, snappy Shaymin, and a slightly psycotic Rukario? If ya'll like funny stuff, here's the place! Depending on who you are. Oneshot, Mystery Dungeon 2 stuff. The last line'll be sure to get a chuckle.


Oh joy

Pat: A Mystery Dungeon 2 fic. Enjoy!

PS. I know Shaymin isn't in the game, but for fiction's sake, she is in mine! Crackfic, I suppose. My first one, too!

Disclaimer: Need I say more?

Rukario's POV:

Out of nowhere, one day, my best friend, and ONLY friend, Shaymin, suggested we create a rescue team, and train in Wigglytuff's Guild. No, scratch that, she DEMANDED that we create a team, showing me blackmail she'd 'received'.

When the hell had I…?

So, off we were. Shaymin, being the lazy little puppy she was, demanded I carry her, on account of her sprained ankle. Where she got, out of nowhere, to get a team, and to get one while she was injured, was beyond me. Shaymin… Shaymin's a fool. She's in sky form. Can she not fly?

…Apparently not. She says the doctor said to stay immobile for an entire week. Um, Shay-chan… That was last week.

…Ok, we'll go with your way of… being beat with a frying pan out of NOWHERE, in other words, Rukario ownage. My question is…

What the hell did she take before we left?!

Oh, joy, the Guild's in view now. Shaymin is jumping like crazy in my arms. I thought the doctor said to stay still?

I ask, the pup eyeing me like I was dangerous or something. I could be if I wanted to. Fear me, for I shall… eat... your… muffins…

Hell, I don't know!

Shaymin says for me to shut up. I gawk. Me? Why me, what'd I do to…

…Ok, Shay, we know you want me to shut up, but never, I repeat, NEVER do THAT again. I've been scarred for life…

Shaymin's usually not mean like this. Usually, she's a little, timid hedgehog, who fears me as much as fire itself. And, she only reverts to sky form if she wants to impress someone or something, mostly, to rid herself of her fears. Works quite well, I gotta say. Maybe she does wanna impress someone. I mean, Wigglytuff IS famous, and has a nasty temper, so I've heard. Still, Shaymin never acts like this. Must be that time of the month. Heh, if I said that out loud…

**Rukario's Guide to Pain on a Scale of 1 to 9:**

**What did I do to you? 12345(6)789**

**Can I get your number? 1234(5)6789**

**What are you supposed to be? 12345678(9)**

**You seem chipper. Did you get laid, or something? (Need I say?)**

**Is it that time of the month (again?) 123456789… (100)**

With Shaymin's power, damn her legend status; she can make the last one hurt a lot. Trust me on that one. Head butt should not hurt so bad on jackals like me.

Wigglytuff's little parrot, Chatot, just mumbled something about how stupid and mean Shaymin is. I agree and disagree with that one.

…It's complicated! I think, anyway.

Oh, nice one! Now, he says I'M the one who's overreacting! About what?! I didn't say anything!

Oh, whatever.

And now, that energetic puffball is asking us what our team name's gonna be. Shaymin glances at me.

"I'm sorry, what?"

Ouch, big mistake. A steel type should not be hurt so much by moves like these! Geez!

Okay, name, name, name…

How about Seed Flare?

Of course, Shaymin agrees. The title compliments her, so it would only be 'natural' to wanna use it. I comment on this, and everyone there glares at me.

…I'm gonna regret that later.

**A few months afterwards…**

I had a really weird dream. I dreamt that my mom gave me a pudding to eat, then, when I ate it, I keeled over, and mom turned into Mew. Damn cat, she's scarred me for life…

Shaymin is in sky form again. But, she seems less ticked. Hm. Ah, well, as long as she's back to dolt-ish, I'm fine.

This is a mission. THIS is a MISSION?

Getting… an apple. Of course. Wigglytuff seems to have a sort of fetish with Perfect Apples. Does he even eat them? Because, at dinner, while everyone stuffs their faces, Wigglytuff simply plays with the damn thing. I think he even KISSED it once! What… the…

"Wake up! Rukario, we have to get that apple, or we're doomed! Doomed, I say! Dooooooommmmmeeeeeedddddd! Did I mention doomed?" Shaymin yells in my ear. I stand still for a moment. Then,

"What the help did you take earlier?"

Needless to say, I rate that at least 30. Itai…

Apparently, we've broken the time-space continuum. Oh joy. Palkia is glaring at us, and Shaymin is glaring at ME. What in the name of Mew did I do?

And, now we're falling. Falling, falling, falling… Agh, my back!

And I thought Primal Dialga was scary. He was a little….

A screw was missing, in general.

But Palkia, is she suffering the same syndrome Shaymin is? It would explain a lot.

Alright. This is it. The final battle.

We won! We won, and what the HELL is THAT?!

Okay. So, apparently, we're in a dream. I suppose spending time with Shaymin will cause SOME mental disorders. And, now, that THING, what is it, a cloth, the Grim Reaper, Timothy the Rattata? What? Oh, Darkrai. Hm.

And, now a swan-thing has come, what the HELL is wrong with this logic?

I can name ten.

**Later…**

How'd we exit that dream? And how come my paw is purple? Shaymin, you idiot, what'd you do?!

"Nothing you didn't do."

What? What? I don't… What?

Maybe that old lady was right…

(Oh god, a flashback)

A fortune teller was in town today. We checked up on it. Man, that Jynx seriously scared me. That could be because she put her makeup on wrong, but I digress.

"Do you vant your fortune told?"

Great. She's…. What was it called again? Arabic? Not even close.

"Sure, why not. If I die tomorrow, it's better to know than to, well, fall, and break my hip." I say, completely confused by my own logic. She still nods, though, and making Gastly noises, she peers into the stupid globe.

"You are constantly accompanied by an idiot, a furry, a dolt, a psychopath, and, in general, a complete spazz. She will be your downfall." She 'foretold', and I rolled my eyes, nodding.

"Odd. The name Shaymin comes to mind. But, I'm no better." I reply, the pup at my side huffing.

"Hey! I'm not stupid, or anything! …. I'm just too cute for my own damn good." Shaymin replied, and I slap my face with a paw in embarrassment. Ow… Steel paws plus face equals WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

'Sure, you're not dumb… You just kill people's brains to convince them you're not, anyway, so why bother?' I think.

I just realized something.

I can't answer my own damn question.

Damn, that's sad.

**Later…**

Shaymin was bored, so she started dancing, one step forward, and one to the side; twirl right around, then, Seed Flare. Repeat.

A unique dance, for sure.

She's singing too, oh god. She doesn't know the lyrics at all, and that's made evident quite quickly.

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

If ya wanna be me best friend, tell me please!

If ya'll know the rest of the lyrics, and really wanna show it, if you know it, and you love me, tell-a me, yee-haw!"

I think my eye's twitching. My paw is, too. It moves up, as if it has a mind of its own, but luckily, I noticed this, and slap it down, my paw whimpering at me.

When you do the head-desk thing, keep in mind that you might go crazy, as a sort of side affect as well. What, are brain cells really that important?

I wouldn't know, of course, and therefore think it is overrated. Or whatever.

"Shaymin…. Those aren't the lyrics, you know, right?" I ask her, Shaymin nodding, grinning like a dope on crack. Is she?

"Yep, I know. I just prefer improvising to reality."

Can I improvise my life for someone else's?

Instead, I say…

"Can I improvise you for a nice, kind, smart Shaymin who doesn't snap at me?"

Score one for me, none for Shay-

Scratch that. Ten for Shay, one for me.

I think I'm bleeding to death…

(Oh, good, it's the end flashback)

…… I'm really messed up, aren't I?

During that time a few months ago, and this, I think I've gained a few brain cells back, but I think they all exploded upon me remembering that. Oh well, it's always too good to last long.

….I want a cookie.

Pat: My attempts to be funny have failed me…. Review, and no flames, please. I don't handle well with fire, like Rukario and Shaymin here. I was hyper, okay?!

Please review! Ja ne!


End file.
